Factors for A Successful Christian Marriage

The Origin of Marriage

James Akaahan Lan, (KSM)

Lecturer, Ikpayongo Sub-council, Abuja

Metro of the Knights of Saint Mulumba

Freelance Journalist

Makurdi

Marriage undoubtedly is the most fundamental of all human institutions. The word marriage is derived from the Latin word Matris Munusa meaning the “office of the mother”.

In Genesis, the story is told of how God after creation did not find any helper suitable for the man, then God made the man fall into a deep sleep. And, while he was asleep, He took one of his ribs and closed the flesh up again forthwith. God fashioned the rib he had taken from the man into a woman and brought her to the man. And the man said, this one at last is the ‘bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” she is to be called woman because she was taken from man. This is why a man leaves his father and mother and becomes attached to his wife and they become one flesh.

However, scholars of Human Psychology and anthropology have often argued that, since the man and woman do not come together as husband and wife at an early age, and that, both the man and his wife grows up in different environment, social and economic background, before the marriage takes place, there are some manmade problems between some marriages. These manmade problems are what we shall return to later.

The Origin of Christian Marriage

The marriage covenant, by which a man and his wife establish between themselves a partnership of their whole life and by “its own very nature is ordered to the well-being of the spouses and to the procreation and upbringing of children, has, between the baptised, been raised by Christ the Lord to the dignity of a sacrament.” Marriage falls within third category of sacraments that is sacrament of vocation. All Christians are called into the Church through one essential process that is baptism; however, they are not compelled to live as Christians in the same mode of existence. Some marry while others dedicate themselves to the contemplative life, all for the common good and the service of God.

Sacraments are outward signs of grace ordained by Jesus Christ to which grace is given to our souls. With this definition, marriage merits in the home of sacraments a full-fleshed membership. It confers actual grace and the grace of faithfulness to the vows made by spouses. Marriage confers on the contracting parties the husband and wife, a special and eternal relationship to Christ and correspondingly, a special position within the Church. The “Union of a Christian man and woman, when ratified in the Church using the canonical form is raised to the status of a sacrament”. Hence Christian marriage falls under one of the same sacraments of the Church and also is referred to as the sacrament of commitment.

Intractable Impediment to Christian Marriage

There are many characteristics of poor Christian marriage relationship, but for lack of time and space, we will consider only six of them here:

1. Staying apart from each other:

Marriage entails the couple staying together, sharing dwelling place and common life. In recent times, however, many marriages are crippled because of the fact that, the couple are staying apart. The situation where the man is in Lagos and the wife in Jos is not a good Christian marriage relationship, except if the couples very much understand themselves.

1. Poor human relationship at home with one’s spouse:

Lack of communication, understanding, conflicts, quarrels at home, fights and many others are among the causes of poor Christian marriage relationships.

1. Boredom:

One other strong accusation people level against their marriage is that, it is bored. This denotes disinterestedness, no excitement and not attractive. The idea of boredom in marriage flows from the desire for variety among couples.

1. Poverty:

According to Abraham Manslow, there are three basic necessities of life: Food, clothing and shelter, and none of these can be neglected. Traditionally, it is the duty of the man to provide them as the head of the family; however, the wife is to be supportive. A man is to provide these to himself, his wife and children. “A situation where he cannot provide, he should not think of marriage” because his wife and children will likely look out for them. The result is that, poor marriage relationships occur.

1. Feeling of neglect and time:

Every spouse expects to occupy a promised place in the life of the other. When one of them begins to pay more attention to career, social life, business, children, relatives and others, the other may likely seek for an alternative source of attention and love. This often results to poor marriage relationship.

1. Infidelity:

Another common cause of poor marriage relationship is infidelity. Where one of the partner discovers that, the other is not royal to him or her, the situation result in poor marriage relationship.

How to Handle Poor Christian Marriage Relationship in the Home

1. Reflect on the Possible cause(s) of the poor Christian marriage relationship, then both parties should sit down to reflect attentively on the possible causes of the problem. This is a good way of solving the problem. Where the other is guilty as well, he/she has to amend and be sorry for leading the other into temptation.
2. Focus on the future:

The life of every human being is futuristic. Man and woman are always hopeful, expecting and waiting. The sense here is that, we are hoping for a better tomorrow at all levels and time. In Christian marriage, poor Christian marriage relationship in the home is not the end of the road, but the beginning of a better committed and sincere relationship between the man and his wife.

 

iii.            Rebuild rather than Fix the marriage:

There is a big difference between the two words. The marriage should not be encouraged to fix. After the poor relationship has been uncovered, the spouses are to begging afresh in rebuilding trust, love and understanding among themselves, rather than fixing the marriage.

1. Resolve to change:

Total reconciliation in this matter is an absolute resolution to change of attitude. Since forgiveness comes after the recognition of one’s sins and remorsefulness for it. The victim should resolve not to offend the other again, and to amend his or her life and attitude.

Five Pillars of a Successful Christian Marriage

1. Love:

There can be no lasting marriage without love. Love binds married couples together, despite the conflicting conditions. This ought to be the bedrock on which Christian marriage is made meaningful. Marriage is a union of two persons in love and by love. It is only in love that, couples got married, in love they procreate and in love they remain joined to one another, so when love is thick, fault are thin in marriage but where love is thin, fault are thick so couples should love themselves.

1. Unity:

Bond of unity in marriage is described as the vow or promise made to be united by the spouses for life. It is the spiritual lamenting reality that holds spouses together. Bond means to join two things securely together. It is also an establishment of strong and binding relationship with another based on trust and affection. It is the adhesive that lament, holds and melts husband and wife together in mind and deed. The essential properties of marriage are unity and indissolubility; in Christian marriage, they acquire a distinctive firmness by reason of the sacrament. The marriage of catholic, even if only one party is a catholic, is governed not only by divine law but also by Canon law, without prejudice to the competence of the civil authority in respect of the merely civil effect of the marriage. “Marriage enjoys the favour of laws consequently, in doubt; the validity of a marriage must be upheld until the contrary is proven”.

iii.            Mutual understanding:

Marriage is a union of two persons in love and by love. Mutual understanding is the reason and foundation for unity that exists between married couples. It is with mutual understanding that they got married; with mutual understanding they remain joined to one another. Mutual understanding and love forms the relationship between couples. It is therefore a cure to problems in Christian marriage. If there is mutual understanding between each other, there would be no room for squabble in the Christian marriages that exist today.

1. Personality type:

Personality is the term used by psychologist to define a person’s attitude and character that differentiate and distinguish him from another person. Certain characteristic, like, extrovert, introvert, humility, rude, arrogant selfish, extravagant, kleptomaniac, paedophilia, drunkenness, rigid, loss, etc are some of the characteristics of human that need to be studied carefully before any marriage proposal and selection should be made. These attribute are very fundamental for couples to know and understand them before marriage.

Freud has suggested that “a personality and medical psychology examination, Deoxyribonucleic (DNA) test be carried out between couples before marriage takes place.

The rational marriage stands the best chance of success. It is one in which both partners have put deliberate thought into their selection and discussed all aspects of their union. Clearly such a marriage has a far greater chance of success than one undertaken under the influence of a blinding infatuation which is so